After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sober January is a disaster.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
