she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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