your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
