He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
