somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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