First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Are we still banned from the library?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
