Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
