I faked an abortion last night.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
