every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize