If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
