Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
