she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize