dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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