Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
