I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
