never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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