hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize