What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
