Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
