My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
