I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need to align my fucking chakras
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
