I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
