Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
