perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
