Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
