He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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