yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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