i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
