Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize