don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
