i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
this is an emotional support booty call
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