This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
