So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
