I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
