so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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