there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
