Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
two words: eviction party
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
