I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
