i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
