I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
