Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
