I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize