i think my tv is drunk
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
