its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
