I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
