Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
