I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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