Is it because I queefed?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
