She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
