u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize