Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
