How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
