Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
