NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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