Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
