oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
