just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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