I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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