i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
