oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
