so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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