Soap is not a condiment
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
time to smoke my breakfast
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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