My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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