making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
